Good morning, I didn't end up writing anything yesterday because it was so hectic and crazy and by the time I got home, I just knocked out. Anyways I decided to start off this morning by starting to talk about some relationship issues in my life. Right now I am 22 years old, I'm single and currently have no idea where that is going, I'm insecure. I am young and I am not in a rush to be in a relationship but I also fear that I would end my life that way as well. Ever since I was younger I was one of the only girls I know that didn't have any dreams of weddings or even expose a crush on a celebrity guy like Lil Bow Wow or Lil Romeo. I've always had insecurities and it didn't help that my mother didn't let me dress how I wanted to etc. Even at 22 she sometimes want to control that which is ridiculous.
I went throughout high school without a real boyfriend and I have not changed much since in my personality and looks but then so many people try to figure out how that was possible because I'm so "beautiful" and "nice". Honestly, I couldn't answer that just like I can't answer it now. In high school I was a little quiet but I did have friends, did have good times, I actually do miss it a little bit, there were some things I would have changed but for the most part, it wasn't too bad but I still can't find out the issue. I sometimes find some guys to talk to but I realize the ones I end up talking to, don't want the same things I want, but am I the blame?
I didn't have a real relationship until the day after Christmas in 2010, which made me 19 years old going on 20. That basically means I had no boyfriend until I was 20 years old. And that didn't even last long and it really was something I regret. It barely even lasted 6 months and that's only because I tried to be the good person and give chances but that hurt me more than I thought. My ideal relationship would be to have someone there for me or try to be there for me as much as I need, would like to go out from time to time or even stay in, I just want a man I can spend time with and someone that can take care of me have fun, make me laugh etc. Idk is that too much? On my end I will take care of him too, and I can do things to make him happy, smile etc. But thats the thing, I've been there, I've been close to a lot of guys but they still don't see me as the "one". My ex boyfriend was never there for me, we never went anywhere, he cheated on me, the blah blah same old story. But it affected me the most because I was always rejected, always had issues and for that to still happen is what I feel caused my insecurities to still be presented and still feel unloved, especially when it was around the time I was really sick and needed it most. I'd have to make another post about my sickness, maybe later today or tomorrow.
In my opinion when I hear about guys complaining about females and the type that they want, I literally take it to the heart. It sucks that I've been that type of person and more, but I can never get the time of day. Thing is I know it is not just me, there are a lot of us out there thay are good etc. But again another post to write about in the future.
Again today, I know I am young and have a little while left in my life but I feel I don't even know how to be in a relationship, a real one. Obviously none are perfect but I want one that I can at least say I got what I wanted in some aspect. Maybe in the near future that might come about but I've been waiting this whole time, it doesn't hurt to wait some more, I mean good things come to those who wait right ?
